sometimes i can feel it
the future
clawing out at me
an echo of a fetus
a child not yet wanted
left unwanted
maybe
i have no words for this infant
they have no words for me
only laughter
and shrieking
and desperate
desperate
desperate hungry need
reaching out
grabbing
clawing
at me
soft and weak
vulnerable
exposed
and
/who am i/
to give
to hold
/who am i/
to know
to answer
/who am i/
to this soft child that is the future
i'm a cadaver
shot up with wax
painted and plugged
a specter glowing under a ring light
acrylic gently cradling the latest iphone
yes four cameras now
limited rose gold edition
it matches my extensions
ethically cut from virgins in Sri Lanka
chin tilted down
beatific russian lips and fox eyes
i hover
suspended like in water but the water is our mind
an endless loop
of animation and
reanimation
i can't have a child
i don't have the space inside
i don't want my skin to stretch
i'm my own doll
why would i want a child
i don't need to be filled
fulfilled
i have filler
tell me
is it more cruel
to gut a fish just for one bite
or
to keep a fish prisoner
just so i have something to bite when i'm hungry
one is waste and one is torture
would i rather be twice bitten or twice blessed
i don't have room for a child
i don't have the space
or the time
time and space is mine
it's for me
can you imagine
sharing
with something you've never met
what if they're bad?
what if it's a bad baby
what if it's hitler baby hitler a hitler baby
do you become complicit if you share with hitler?
wouldn't that make you a nazi sympathizer
better to be safe
let the baby wither
desiccate
yes
better to be safe
twiice blessed nevver bitten
and can you imagine having a child now
they're so expensive
i wouldn't want to compromise
my quality of life
time and space
i know my priorities
god i can't wait to go to a concert again
live music and bodies
far superior to
dead music and babies
fuck the future
what has the future ever done for me
it's a lie
a mirage
the future is hell
we all know it
you sense it
immolate the future and
harvest the ashes
pressurized and pressed
into cosmetics
all white everything
wear the bones of your fallen enemies
the children of the future
with their skinny hands out
and their hungry mouths open
will make a great statement piece
a really powerful image
for my purse